I'm going to New York City tomorrow to collect my Independent Publisher awards at a ceremony on Monday. Today I drove all over this funky neighborhood in Baltimore to figure out where to catch the Chinatown bus. As it turns out there's no bus station. It's not like Greyhound. It's a little weird bus service some Chinese people thought up to get you to and from New York City REAL CHEAP! The bus picks you up in front of some truck wash place. How gritty urban is that? I like buses. Some people HATE buses. They have an attitude toward them. When you mention buses, they froth at the mouth. It's like they feel a loss of control not being in their cars, or they feel low rent sitting on a bus with all those po-folk, or they have some other, more esoteric reason for hating buses. I like buses, as long as they're not too cold. If the buses weren't air conditioned I would be perfectly happy. I don't see why it has to be fifty-six degrees in a bus in the SUMMER and nice and warm in the WINTER. You expect to be a little chilly in the winter and WARM in the summer. But everywhere you go, you're nice and toasty in the winter and cold in the summer. It's stupid if you ask me. Have you ever been in Starbucks in July? It's like forty-six degrees in there.
I'm taking the bus to New York because I'm tired of driving. I love driving but it's all I do lately. Drive, drive drive. I want to park my ass down somewhere and let some driver spirit me up I-95 while I read and look at people doing their odd things. The bus will deposit me in Chinatown, New York City and then I'll hop a cab to the East Village to meet my cousins for dinner. Do you know that Chinatown ate up Little Italy? I'm not sure what happened. When I lived there in the down and dirty 70s Chinatown was a tiny network of neon-lit streets. Now it's practically taken over downtown New York. You can get bubble tea anywhere. But they don't serve it on the bus. That's most unfortunate.
Later, kids.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Hello World!!!!
Okay everyone, here I am. A blogger. Instead of writing my new book which I should be doing I am writing this blog for all to see. A lot of good it's doing me if you don't read my fucking book or buy my fucking book or whatever. Hell with all of you.
Ha ha! Just kidding. I didn't mean to offend you. You don't have to read my book, buy my book, or even read this blog. It's a free country. Unless you're reading this in Burma or one of the "Stan" countries or North Korea where they have P.A. systems in their houses so the GREAT LEADER can talk to them whenever he wants even at 3AM.
I'm a baby boomer. A lot of my fellow boomers will appreciate my edgy obnoxious humor because we are edgy. You younger people, the Millennials, will be offended because you are nice. You are uncomfortable with anger. I don't understand why because you grew up in a meaner, harder world than we did, except that when we grew up Negroes were being lynched in the South, gay people couldn't be gay, and all that stuff. But still, we had HOPE. Got hope? I don't know what Obama did with our hope. Maybe he's marinading it or something.
My book is called I Came Out For THIS? It's a novel about a nutty Jewish woman who comes out in her forties, falls madly in love, and moves to Washington DC to win the woman's heart, and she has all kinds of adventures. It's actually pretty hilarious. It won the Independent Publisher gold medal for humor. I'm not kidding. Would I kid you about something like that? It also won the gold medal for LGBT fiction!
Well I have to go take a shower now. (Isn't that what we do now on twitter and facebook and our blogs?We say, "I'm going to take a shower" or "Ich! You should see the crud that's growing in my refrigerator!" And everyone's supposed to care. Well, I guess it's like talking to your friend when he/she's right in the room. "I gotta go pee." And the friend doesn't say, "I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS IF YOU HAVE TO GO PEE!" She says, "Okay, I'll wait for you.")
So wait for me. I'll be back! Or actually you don't have to wait. Because it will take me awhile to take a shower and then I'll have to do some other stuff. Like inspect the crud in my refrigerator. Not really. My fridge is clean. I cleaned it before going to Cleveland to visit my mom. I'm from Cleveland. Maybe that's why I'm like this. People from Cleveland just say whatever they want. They don't put on any airs. I like Clevelanders. But I had to get away from Cleveland in order to love it. When I lived there I thought it was a pitstop.
Later, kids.
Ha ha! Just kidding. I didn't mean to offend you. You don't have to read my book, buy my book, or even read this blog. It's a free country. Unless you're reading this in Burma or one of the "Stan" countries or North Korea where they have P.A. systems in their houses so the GREAT LEADER can talk to them whenever he wants even at 3AM.
I'm a baby boomer. A lot of my fellow boomers will appreciate my edgy obnoxious humor because we are edgy. You younger people, the Millennials, will be offended because you are nice. You are uncomfortable with anger. I don't understand why because you grew up in a meaner, harder world than we did, except that when we grew up Negroes were being lynched in the South, gay people couldn't be gay, and all that stuff. But still, we had HOPE. Got hope? I don't know what Obama did with our hope. Maybe he's marinading it or something.
My book is called I Came Out For THIS? It's a novel about a nutty Jewish woman who comes out in her forties, falls madly in love, and moves to Washington DC to win the woman's heart, and she has all kinds of adventures. It's actually pretty hilarious. It won the Independent Publisher gold medal for humor. I'm not kidding. Would I kid you about something like that? It also won the gold medal for LGBT fiction!
Well I have to go take a shower now. (Isn't that what we do now on twitter and facebook and our blogs?We say, "I'm going to take a shower" or "Ich! You should see the crud that's growing in my refrigerator!" And everyone's supposed to care. Well, I guess it's like talking to your friend when he/she's right in the room. "I gotta go pee." And the friend doesn't say, "I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS IF YOU HAVE TO GO PEE!" She says, "Okay, I'll wait for you.")
So wait for me. I'll be back! Or actually you don't have to wait. Because it will take me awhile to take a shower and then I'll have to do some other stuff. Like inspect the crud in my refrigerator. Not really. My fridge is clean. I cleaned it before going to Cleveland to visit my mom. I'm from Cleveland. Maybe that's why I'm like this. People from Cleveland just say whatever they want. They don't put on any airs. I like Clevelanders. But I had to get away from Cleveland in order to love it. When I lived there I thought it was a pitstop.
Later, kids.
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